We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
