Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
