why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
