If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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