It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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