We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
