Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
