One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
