I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
