I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
