I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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