I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
