Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I would ride that face into the sunset
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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