You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
