My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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