So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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