I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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