just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
