my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
