he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
