So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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