I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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