you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
