I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
