I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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