there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
