I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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