Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
