just survived the first fart of the relationship.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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