What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
