Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
