I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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