Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
