you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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