Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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