Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
pray to the hookup gods
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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