The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
