quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
