I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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