Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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