I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
