im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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