In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
