saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
