He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
