You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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