Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
