Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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