i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
