Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
