Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
